Esther 4

Such great examples of people with faith! Mordecai and Esther.

Their counterplan to save their people wasn't really much of a plan; just going to the king, begging and pleading. Yet Mordecai was absolutely certain that God (and only God) would deliver the Jews. He held onto God's promises to protect and strengthen His chosen people.

Esther's calls to fasting and prayer were an indication of her faith in God. And she did not treat the fasting as some superstitious, good luck charm or mantra that could manipulate God. She was earnest in her prayer, but also she was absolutely open to God's will. Verse 16, "...and if I perish, I perish."

There are times when I think I'm displaying great faith for some issue/problem. But often, if I looked much deeper within myself, my hope wasn't really in God; it was a hope in my praying, my efforts in praying, and a hope that it would please Him enough to give me what I want. These kinds of sins are soooo deep within my heart. Even if I acknowledged that that was going on, I would just lie to myself and never really change.

Yes, the Holy Spirit is the only one who can perform that kind of heart surgery/transformation. But I also have to be earnest in my repentance, earnest in prayer, earnest in wanting the Spirit to change me. But this almost seems like a cyclical problem. Do I really want to be pruned or am I just saying what a Christian should say/pray?

For me, it isn't a cyclical, downward spiraling problem. I know that I want God to work in me and I know that He will. I can't explain it or prove my genuineness, but as far as I'm concerned, that's it. And I thank God that He has given me the spiritual eyes/vision to see this at least.

Anyways, I don't know how far I am from taking some uncomfortable action for God while also saying without hesitation, "if I perish, I perish". Very far probably. But I'll get there..in the end.

[Wow, this post/devo was random and incoherent. Meh....]

CBS grad retreat

Like I said, while the kiddos are gone, we Class of '08 folks had a retreat of our own.

To start off, Edgar, Justin, and I ordered the Big Dipper from Pizza Hut because their tv ads said they would bring ladies to our party. To Edgar's dismay, the delivery man told us otherwise.

Oh, here is a fine young lady! Jovi took the shortline bus from NYC to visit me! She thought she'd never have to take that long bus ride ever again. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made..haha

After a fun Wegmans trip, we all put in a group effort and made a huge dinner. Edgar documented the whole cooking process with more photos (none of which are here.)

Welcome Sessions & Retreat

Today I did a lot of checking-in: Graduate Student check-in, International Student check-in, got my new Cornell ID card, and Information Science check-in. For the Masters degree, I'm in a class of 5 students. 3 started last Fall semester. 2 were accepted for this Spring semester (including me! yay!). The program is very young but fluid in terms of curriculum. Could turn out very educational and worth the time and money, or.....very horrible. Well, I'm excited!

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CBS kiddos went off to their winter retreat. Jovi coming in tonight. This weekend we'll have a CBS Grad retreat of our own. It will consist of many rounds of Monopoly Deal.

The Boys Are Back in Town

The apartment is full. Justin Sun, Eric Yau, and I are mostly settled in at the new apartment/townhouse.

If any roommate arguments and fights arise, this blog will be the first to hear about it! Maybe I should do a reality-tv-style video blog, like Real World or Jersey Shore.

Ithaca, NY

It's been four days since I've moved in and settled into my new apartment in collegetown. And there's still several more days before classes even start. Unfortunately, despite all the quietness that Ithaca provides, I still need to take more time and really process this whole situation - returning to Cornell, returning to CBS, studying Information Science, service and ministry, being engaged to Jovi, and preparing for the wedding and marriage. oof!